Golden Globes: Predictions

I don't really care about an awards ceremony that was originally conceived back in the 1940s by, of all things, the Daily fucking Mail. If Nikki Finke (and countless others) is to be believed, then these puppies are easily bought - which renders them pointless, really.

That said, predictions are always fun - especially when people get to launch a rebuttal and tell me how utterly clueless I am. As such:


Best Picture - Drama: Up in the Air will probably bag this, but don't think for a second the voters are ignoring the international numbers for Avatar. Or the fact that they're made up mostly of those new breed of furries that get all boo-hoo about Pandora not being a real planet. Ugh.

Best Picture - Comedy or Musical: Nine leads what is an incredibly shitty handful of noms. Of course, it made the shortlist before it tanked and got roundly hated on by everyone (even Felini telegraphed the Weinsteins a "WTF?" from beyond the grave), so perhaps they'll just give it to The Hangover.

Best Actor - Drama: Clooney walks off with this one, and as such pretty much locks in Jeff Bridges' Oscar chances at the same time.

Best Actress - Drama: Sandra Bullock for the win, possibly because Globes voters are riddled with guilt for not giving her one last time she was nominated - for Miss Congeniality. Fuck my life.

Best Actor - Comedy or Musical: Justice would see Michael Stuhlbarg win for A Serious Man, but the Hollywood Foreign Press Association are not a just or fair mistress. So, Daniel Day Lewis.

Best Actress - Comedy or Musical: Probably Meryl Streep. She's nominated for two movies, after all. I haven't seen either, but that's because Streep to me is a bit like my hoover is to my cat - disorientating and frightening.

Best Supporting Actor: Tucci. Why not, he's a talented guy and I just love the way he creepily rolls his eyes in the What Dreams May Come 2 Lovely Bones trailer.

Best Supporting Actress: Vera Farmiga. Again, haven't seen Up in the Air, so I can only base this on the fact that I'd quite like to have sex with her. Educated picks, these.

Best Director: Give it to Bigelow, but build it up so it's like Cameron's won it. Maybe announce, "Kathryn Bigelow for Avatar!" So they both get up at the same time. There's nothing like ex-spouses thrown into confusing turmoil at shit awards ceremonies. Nothing.

Best Screenplay: What, we get twenty lead acting nominations, but they can't even be bothered to split this into "I thought it up myself" and "I copied it out of a book"? Give it to Basterds; I want another Tarantino tantrum a lá '95.


Check back Monday to see if I'm right. Or don't. In fact don't, I probably won't even follow this up. That's how much you matter to me, Golden Globes. I'm a giant fucking loser, and even I can't be bothered to blog about you.