So... what's the title?

There was an interesting point raised yesterday on Kermode & Mayo's Wittertainment radio show about the new movie "Perrier's Bounty", and the fact that - despite it being a rather decent picture (I'm seeing it later this week) - the title is an absolute stinker. It got me thinking about the nature of titling your movie, and what kind of impact it can have on your box office returns. Particularly, my thoughts turned to British cinema and how some of the names of our recent output have potentially worked vastly against their favour.

Part of this musing spews from being faced with a couple of script-titling obstacles of my own. One project I'm working on currently has the most generic, nondescript name imaginable (it was inherited, though); the other did have a fairly useful title that has since been rendered meaningless by a great big overhaul of both plot and theme. Examples, then, of some recent hazardous examples of nom-de-pluming:


The Scouting Book For Boys
Sounds like: A tween adventure pic, possibly featuring a bunch of misshaped losers banding together under the wayward but well-intentioned scout leader figure, possibly played by Jack Black or Ben Stiller or (if it was 1994) Daniel Stern.
Actually is: "A vibrant but shocking narrative full of macabre undertones" (Britflicks) about unrequited love and teenage angst.


The Cottage
Sounds like: An idyllic, thesp-heavy nod to the work of Ingmar Bergman, as aging luvvies gather at a peaceful village getaway and address their anxieties and issues.
Actually is: A blood-soaked kidnap-turned-rampant-hillbilly horror with Jennifer Ellison getting her head removed by a spade.

Beyond The Pole
Sounds like: Strippers! Hurray!
Actually is: Global warming bromance! Boo!

Quantum of Solace
Sounds like: Art project a-hoy-hoy! Possibly just a terminally ill man addressing his woes to the screen for 90 minutes.
Actually is: Nonsensically-edited franchise beat 'em-up!

Made In Dagenham
Sounds like: Another shitty Nick Love gangster movie.
Actually is: A tale of the 1968 female employee strike at Dagenham's Ford plant. The original title, "We Want Sex", wasn't any better.

Donkey Punch
Sounds like: Spiky CGI "Shrek" off-shoot.
Actually is: "Dead Calm" as told by lairy twats. Let me just check and see if the title is contextually correct... OHGODTHAT'SFUCKINGDISGUSTING!


We should just follow the example of "Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus" and market our movies solely by conceptual titling. After all, it worked for "Snakes On A Plane", right? Right? ... Oh.